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Donkeys
You know what they say – never work with children or animals. But twice in the last few months, Kinder Ringers have chosen to ignore this advice…..
The first time was at Christmas. We should know by now that it’s a bad
sign when Anne asks us if we’re available for a certain date, but won’t
tell us why. Much probing got us as far as “well yes, it’s a sort of
retirement home, but not exactly what we’re used to”. Eventually we
extracted the truth – we were to play at a Donkey Sanctuary. “For the
donkeys’ Christmas Party?” we asked. Anne gave us a Look. Of course
not, she said, that would be silly. No, it was for their Carol
Service. That’s right – us, some other musicians, 68 donkeys and lots
of people. “Where exactly will we play?” we asked. In a stall, in the
stable, came the answer. “What will be on the floor?” asked Mary
suspiciously. No worries there, Anne assured us – the floor would be
nice and level. “That wasn’t what I was worried about, actually,” said
Mary. Darkly.
There followed much discussion about what we should wear – would our
usual hot & vibrant prove a bit chilly, in mid-December? We
eventually decided that all those donkeys and people would keep us
warm, although as the sanctuary was in the middle of the Peak District,
we didn’t think many people would come in mid-December – which just
shows that Kinder Ringers can be totally wrong about two things at
once. As soon as the doors opened to the public, people swarmed in and
just didn’t stop swarming. And we agreed afterwards that we had never
been so cold in any other venue, even in Chester Cathedral the first
time. The smell, which had caused us to reel when we entered the
building, seemed to disappear after a few minutes – maybe the fact that
our noses were frozen had something to do with this. But at least the
ringing was OK, and the donkeys were brill.
A postscript to this story – the following day, we played at a local
stately home which shall be nameless, but is staffed by “jobsworths”
who recoil in horror at the thought that a human being of the common
classes might touch their elevated fixtures and fittings. They pointed
out to us, with great pride, their new carpet, which had been
hand-knotted especially for them. We decided that as it was Christmas,
we should forego the pleasure of telling them where the table legs had
stood (and more to the point, what they had stood in) less than 24
hours before they touched these precious floors ……
The second occasion was in May, when we played in a New Mills church at
a fundraising concert for the same Donkey Sanctuary. This time, just
to ensure disaster, there was to be a children’s choir and a
visit from a donkey, whose name was Popsy or Pipsy or something similar
(suggestions of “Whoopsy” were rejected as vulgar). As the start of
the concert drew near and more children arrived, we had a gradual
crescendo to the noise level of a battlefield, but no donkey was in
evidence. Word came that the donkey, whose name was actually Pepsi,
was awaiting a horsebox to travel in, so the concert running order
would have to be rearranged slightly. We played our first pieces, then
the children’s Choir performed. During this the children stood in
front of the bells, and of course the largest child managed to find a
place nearest the table, and kept leaning back, causing the whole
structure to wobble. This kept us from being bored, as we maintained a
constant state of readiness to rush forward and catch the bells as they
fell. By the time we were called upon to fill in a little more time
until Pepsi’s arrival, we were reduced to a gibbering, quivering mass –
so no change from usual there.
As the evening progressed, it became clear that Pepsi wasn’t going to
make it – so having totally rearranged our programme, we were finally
left with the knowledge that it was all in vain. Which goes to show
that the adage is wrong – it’s bad enough to work with children and
animals, but to work with animals which fail to appear – now that’s
really asking for trouble!
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15th International Symposium
Days to go....
31.07.2012 12:00
71
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